prijm

rhapsody

2006-02-09T12:50:00.000+08:00

dearest lord.

as my soul slowly goes down with the weight of the world, my faith increases.
hold my hand and feel my heart. take away the pain and show me how to be strong.
teach me how to forgive. help me keep my feet planted on the ground.
you taught us humility. you showed us mercy.

i surrender myself.

amen.

angst

2006-02-01T13:16:00.000+08:00

black and blue pala.

pasensya na. bad vibes lang talaga. kaya medyo hindi maganda ang post na to. just wanna vent out. have you seen a child hold his breath for as long as he could just so his mom would give in to his demands? "gigil" may not be the perfect word, but i think that's the best way to describe that feeling.

nakakagigil lang talaga. sobra-sobra. argh!

bakit naman kasi sa kadami-dami ng dapat mangyari ay ganyan pa. at sa kadami-dami ng karapat-dapat,ay siya pa. naku naman po! ilang neurons ba meron dyan sa utak mo at parang hirap na hirap kang magisip?

sa bagay, kahit ako, aminado din naman na mahina din. kumbaga, we're on the same page pagdating dyan.

pero kahit pa. takte naman oh. at kahit ilang mura pa ang ilagay ko dito sa post na to, wala rin namang magbabago eh. wala.

tapos bigla akong hihiritan na baka sa sobrang ganda ng nangyayari sa buhay ko feeling mo others ka na. at hindi lang basta-basta others. negative force pa. um, matanong ko lang. alam mo ba meaning ng negative force? o sige, wag na yang tanong na yan. dalian na lang natin. spell negative na lang. ha?! ano? sabi ko na nga ba eh. anung n-e-g-a-t-i-v-e?!?! mali. it begins with a j and ends with an r. and you actually dont have to fill in the blanks.

oo na. makapal na mukha ko. hindi ko nga naman pala siya kilala. so i have no right to really judge people, by their cover or otherwise. well, IN FACT, base sa mga kwento mo, parang ayoko na talaga siyang makilala. puno na kasi friendster accounts ko. hindi na pwede mga pangit dun.

ang sarap magsulat. lalo na pagtuloy-tuloy yung mga ideas. most especially mga kupal na ideas. yung mga tipong ang dami-dami mong hinanakit tapos idadaan mo na lang sa kwento at masayang diskusyunan. feeling ko tuloy sa haba ng post na to, baka palitan ko na si bob ong bilang isang malupit na author. at kung hindi maudlot, magrerelease ako ng first book ko. alam niyo kung anu title?

dont give up on us, baby.

baka matanong niyo kung bakit. simple lang. dalawang beses ko napanood yung movie na yan recently starring judy ann and piolo. aside from the fact na talagang gusto kong tangkilikin ang sariling atin, talagang may sense ang movie (unlike other people you live with in your house). pero seriously, na-feel ko ang pelikula in the sense na i see myself in the characters. sana nga lang nobody would give up on me... di ba baby?

um, baby? saan ka na? baby?!?

kakasabi ko lang eh. eto na naman tayo.

bilang pagtatapos, nais ko lamang pong pasalamatan ang http://www.m-w.com para sa sumusunod:

angst came from a german word that means a feeling of apprehension.

e.g. please, dont angst me, don't we?

mama... para po sa tabi.

2006-01-15T02:14:00.000+08:00

nagtatanong
bakit mahirap sumabay sa agos ng iyong mundo?
nagtataka
simple lang naman sana ang buhay kung ika'y matino

sabihin sakin lahat ng lihim mo
iingatan ko
ibaling sakin ang problema mo
kakayanin ko

pikit mata

kong iaalay ang buwan at araw
pati pa sapatos kong suot
nagtatanong
simple lang naman sana ang buhay kung ika'y lumayo

sasamahan ka tamis
sasamahan ka dilim
sasamahan ka hanggang langit

akap by imago.

15 straight hours. close to 230 kilometers. the trip was exhausting, emotionally. just like the past, we've been through a lot of rough and smooth pavements. we've met and left people along the way. we've been through our highest point. we've seen light and dark. all throughout, we were together.

together.

and what was ironic was the fact that no matter how long the journey was, it still took us to were we all started, back to where reality would come and knock us off real hard in the head.

ouch!

this time around, we just cant ignore details.

lumuha kang nagiisa, nakadungaw sa buwan

lumilipad ang isip mo, nakasabit sa ulap

ngunit bakit pinilit kung ayaw ko'ng masaktan

sinabi ko sa kanya na 'di pa rin nililikha

ang tulad ko'ng parang timang

na 'di pa rin maintindihan

malayo ang pagtitig mo, dala ng hangin

akala ko ay pwede pa na umasa sayo

o bakit ba, pag wala ka na, ako'y kulang

bakit pa part 2 by mayonnaise

moving forward

2006-01-11T00:35:00.000+08:00

for someone to actually tell you that you're emotional quotient is getting better, my confidence is plainly the reverse of it. yeah, its true that some are arguably better than you. and within a small circle of corporate people, competition towards getting the spot is way intense. that i understand. i really do.

but, am i being understood?

if not for my political inclination in college, i might end up not being that person who asks a lot; somebody that would never be satisfied for what's given (not unless im tired of moving and too strong to fake). but then, there are instances wherein i just end up screwing myself. and then i get to realize that what people say is true: what you dont know wont hurt you.

but i did know. though i really didnt intend to know.

then, the rest of the cast just fakes it. i feel you guys, dont worry. we're on the same boat, remember? one way or another, we'll get to unmask our faces and be sensitive enough to be not that "corporate". we'll end up trying to understand the dynamics of what leading a flock of sheep is all about. we'll get to learn what it really takes to manage people. and when i say that, i mean EACH AND EVERY individual.

that's why i like the movie lilo and stitch. though they were lightyears apart, there was one line that connects them: nobody gets left behind.

'nough said.

and before i forget, let me add a note relatively not related to the main topic of this post. don't even try hard. its not good enough.

christening for my baby

2005-11-09T15:56:00.000+08:00

i just can't contain myself.

last november 4, we had a kick-off party at the office. this is because the department that i am working with at HSBC-HDPP Alabang is new. there were guests from new york and india, and everyone else was having a good time. free food, two-hours "paid" fun, overflowing drinks (just juices and water), games, and a whole lot more.

yours truly, along with three other office/department-mates, were invited to play a couple of songs during the party. so i proudly brought my glossy, metallic green acoustic guitar. and yeah, i name her yellow. we didn't really had enough practice since we got the memo 'about us playing' a day before the party. and we started practicing our piece four hours before the gig itself. nonetheless it was a blast.

the song was change the world by eric clapton.

two guitars. a slapbox. one vocalist. truly acoustic. a really defining moment. i commend each and everyone.

but that wasn't the highlight of my night. as i was wandering through the auditorium before we played, i saw one of my officemates. and for some reason, she was able to bring her brother along. i didn't bother asking why her brother was there. nor did i even think about branding him a "gatecrasher" since this would seem unfitting. all that i did was get hold of a permanent marker. then i got yellow from the backstage, tried to wipe her so that she would be presentable, then i offered her and the pen to my officemate's brother.

"god bless!"

these are the words that he wrote to yellow. finally, she was baptized. and i can't help erase the smile on my face. after all this time, i knew my guitar has a value. and she is worth it.

my officemate's name is nyay volante. her brother is nyoy.

sporty glam

2005-11-05T12:05:00.000+08:00

i was scanning through the programs on tv when i saw a tennis match at espn. since there are no good shows at the moment, i decided to content myself with serves and faults and deuces. and then i saw her.

perhaps this would just be one of those things that you can't forget easily. whatever you may call it, having a crush or otherwise, i just feel i have to make this post and make an electronic broadcast about how she got my attention.

two thumbs for this girl who can make the catwalk a tennis court!

a tribute

2005-11-01T08:11:00.000+08:00

it was a song introduced by a bandmate. something that i have to learn for an upcoming gig. though i am a fan of their famous song selling the drama (which at that time was the only song that i know from them), i never really paid that much attention to the band live.

yes, the live band.

originally composed of four members, this band is considered as "the post-grunge alternative rock band" from York, PA. and despite the heavy distortions that they are really known for (thanks to selling the drama), this band, i would say, has much more to say with their lyrics than with the resounding melody that they create. and amongst such creations is the melodramatic song lightning crashes.

this song tells a lot about how things evolve today, especially in their era of 1995. as the population booms, little did we notice the death toll rises. the unborn are plenty. and it was a plague.

as i listen to this song, my heart just froze. the beating suddenly stopped.

never have we realized the value of life. we miss a lot just on that. yet we miss more everytime we take life away.

i don't care if it's yours or someone else. the moment you take it away, you just snap.

on this note, i present this to you.

lightning crashes by live

lightning crashes, a new mother cries
her placenta falls to the floor
the angel opens her eyes
the confusion sets in before the doctor can even close the door

lightning crashes, an old mother dies
her intentions fall to the floor
the angel closes her eyes
the confusion that was hers belongs now to the baby down the hall

oh now feel it coming back again
like a rolling thunder chasing the wind
forces pullin' from the center of the earth again
i can feel it

lightning crashes, a new mother cries
this moment she's been waiting for
the angel opens her eyes
pale blue-covered iris presents the circle and puts the glory out to hide

oh now feel it coming back again
like a rolling thunder chasing the wind
forces pullin' from the center of the earth again
i can feel it

as the words slowly move, inch by inch, through your spine...
feel the rip your heart induces.

cheap shot

2005-09-29T20:01:00.000+08:00

the big news.

uaap season 68. finals. game 1. dlsu lost to feu. 75 - 73.

the bigger news.

while joesph yeo and arwind santos were walking away from the court, perhaps taunting while doing that, a guy in a green shirt came and separated the two. when santos continued walking past yeo, the guy in green suddenly hit santos at the back of his head.

a guy in green hit santos at the back of his head.

a guy in green.

later i found out that this "guy in green" is the team manager of the dlsu green archers.

i am a graduate of de la salle university - manila. i am proud to be one. i am a walking advertisement of my alma mater. everyone connected to the school represents the whole institution. i didn't mind being late in my work at night just to get my butt stuck in a chair while watching this much awaited rematch of the uaap finals. and when the going got tough, i didn't mind loosing game 1 to the tamaraws. i didn't mind at all. what's in my mind was the fact that everybody did their best. it was worth the fight. i didn't mind having mild high blood pressures during the game due to the nerve-boosting plays. i didn't mind spending this time.

i didn't mind. not until i saw that guy in green hit arwind santos at the back of his head. after that, i got mad. i got embarassed. and for the first time since i took my first step at the gates of dlsu, i shrunk thinking that i was an archer. i am very, and i stress the word "very" , much embarassed.

i am a lasallian. the guy in green was a lasallian. i hate to admit it but he is. he made a cheap shot at the poor santos. the whole lasallian community made a cheap shot.

i just don't get it. a "cheap" shot.

now, how can i stress this more? argh!

2005-09-28T19:58:00.000+08:00

or perhaps i just had too much of "other" unwanted substances that practically goes deep down into me. it makes me shake. it makes me grasp. it makes me hazey. it makes me so invisible.

just chill...

scratch

2005-09-28T19:48:00.000+08:00

and then again, on another boring day, i slightly tilt my cup of wisdom and look for some residues.

as far as im concerned, i have been a sleep walker since the days i have had a really good smile.too much caffeine and a much bigger dose of nicotine has cursed my skin to expand and loose. what's worse is that these two culprits have left an indelible mark that i personally feel would stay for the longest time. so much for the hopes. so much for the dreams.

then i take a moment to sit, try to relax a bit, and then be my old self. chances are, i won't find my old self as well.

ever been this lost before?

undetermined

2005-09-24T07:37:00.000+08:00

another milestone. another achievement. another chapter unfolds.

as people grow, we just cant help but think about the past. we may start laughing at our silly mistakes or at the events that really tore us apart. or we may end up trying to stay in a corner and succumbing to our fears. in whatever way we may look at it, in whatever perspective we wish to see it, this moment defines a vital role in our way forward. it may either make of break the next few decisions that we have to face.

the past tries to catch up. the future makes a huge impact. the present is all tied up.

if ever there comes a time that i would be able to make up my mind, i would gladly take it.

current song

2005-09-13T19:59:00.000+08:00

yeah whatever by splender

and you're primitive
and you're cynical to me
and i chewed down on the bit
and almost swallowed it

you sit all alone with your colored tv
your hair starts to glisten
inspite of the fleas
we don't have to stay friends
let's pretend to be enemies

yeah, whatever makes you happy
yeah, whatever makes you beautiful
yeah, whatever leaves you satisfied
'cause im out of time
and im feeling fine

and you're paranoid
as you look me up and down
and im soaked in gasoline
mud and ice cream

you sit by the phone
with your tongue hanging out
you cradle the flies in the back of your mouth
we don't have to stay friends
let's pretend to be enemies

damned if you do
fucked if you don't
damned if you do
what if you don't?

you must be aware what you're doing to me
we sunk like a stone on a rock in the sea

we don't have to stay friends
let's pretend to be enemies

you get what you want 'cause you won't let it die

yeah, whatever makes you happy
yeah, whatever makes you insecure
yeah, whatever seems to break you down

lost

2005-08-19T08:38:00.000+08:00

if what you feel isn't worth showing, if you don't have the right to feel it all, then let me say it through writing.

im not addict, maybe that's a lie.

human (enough?!) for you

2005-06-07T11:35:00.000+08:00

trust.

lost.

broken.

hurt.

uncertain.

lost again.

people talk. people learn. people believe. people desire. people hide. people deny. people destroy. people admit. people justify. people beg. people beg some more. people stay. people tire. people fade. people die.

people are people.

... just like love.

time out!

2005-05-30T13:25:00.000+08:00

when the past tries to catch up with your present and you feel that "second chances" are blessings from heaven, it gives you the drive to sit down and ponder.

for the times that i have tried to stand for you, care for you, treat you like a princess and put you in my pedestal, i was trying to be true. never did i exert effort on a losing cause. but you broke this chain. and believing despite being against the odds was the crisis i had to carry. not your fault. my decision. with this i had to struggle, putting into mind the dreams i made with you and putting into heart the innermost desire of spending one fruitful lifetime with nobody else but you. the bigger picture was blurry, but i somehow got to see myself as merely a background for you, a sedative, your very own shock absorber. i admit, this is the worth im not used to have. still, i went ahead and became the truth you barely see.

as we crossed paths, i endured. i held on for the longest time. you thought you saw me fading. i just hid to wipe my tears dry. easy for you to inflict pain unknowingly, and easy for me to bite my lips and feel my heart heavy. but just like a rubber, i snap.

i guess i got tired of the game.

no quitting for me. always, its a compromise.

effortless

2005-05-28T14:57:00.000+08:00

that's the way love should be.

im getting tired of falling, then dreaming, then hurting, then feeling numb. this is always a cycle and for the nth time, i just don't know myself.

how many times have i tried to be so true yet nobody believed? and how many times have i spoken genuine words that only a few heard? not all people are courageous enough to tell the damn truth. and out of the brave souls, not all of them, sad to say, are being given the chance.

i have a gagged mouth.

i try so hard to shout, i fail. i try so hard to be heard, i got disappointed. i try so hard to be understood, yet nobody was sane at the moment. i was given one slim chance to speak up. i grabbed the opportunity. and when the lights were shining on me, nobody stood there to listen.

not even you.

of the countless million people in the planet, it took me guts to speak about the whole damn truth. yeah, the whole DAMN truth. no matter how shitty it sounds, i still preaced about it. you made me talk about it. and for you, i did talk about it. too bad, your ears were covered. too bad, you were busy to notice. too bad, you were that insensitive.

too bad.

now, who said it doesn't hurt the second time around? it's a lie.

about dreaming and going with the flow

2005-05-26T13:40:00.000+08:00

current mood: numb. confused. lost.

the tide just doesn't seem to calm. it keeps on swaying, it keeps on rocking. i long for the day everything would just be smooth-sailing.

holding on is such a biased task. its easy to do if you know its really worth the effort. its hard to accomplish if you feel all your efforts would just go down the drain. at some point in everybody's life, we get tired of fighting, of holding on, of staying.

im fond of dreaming. its fun mentally building the bricks of your future. and as we put each brick into its place, we feel the drive, of pursuing and putting dreams into reality. i love to dream. and how much more nice would it be if i start dreaming with you.

but somehow, resistance, i guess, is inevitable. you can't have it all. no pain, no gain. putting those dreams into the current situation seems to be against all odds. at one point, the pieces are just easy to fit. and in one split-second, i fear the masterpiece would just collapse. along with this comes uncertainty. no security. change.

now i ask myself, who moved my cheese? should i adapt? or should i stay?

it aint over til its over. i dream, and i will keep on doing that. push me if you want. i will lie awake and dream with you.

even if its against the odds.

with this, i pray.

monaco

2005-05-25T13:49:00.000+08:00

slowly, i start to fade. and just like any race that i had for the past years of my life, i never got to finish what i've started with flying colors.

too bad.

if maybe i were living for hundreds of years,, it would have taken me centuries before i could decipher the proper ways of staying. add another hundreds of years or so, then maybe i could have mastered the art of winning with ease.

i sound crappy.

i know and i dont intend to change. i am like this. accept me or hate me for who i am. im thinking you might be wondering what i mean by races, about winning and about staying. well, im talking about everything. just try to see the big picture. love, life, friends, career, and what-have-yous. pick one. just pick, the way you do to your nose!

world is such a crappy shit. or its just me that;s making it look like one.

think. cant decide. think again. still can't decide. puff! think some more. quit.

oh well, another race unfinished. holy crap!

hate by rivermaya

2005-05-13T14:27:00.000+08:00

Well, if you're happy then I'm blue

'Cause I'm not so far, but not with you

And I can't see, why we cant see each other

I telephone but you're sleeping forever

I hate you for the things you do but I love you

And curse you for your beauty, that makes me make some poetry 'bout love

And I don't think you even think about me

If only you were smiling, and if I was your reason

Tomorrow, I could die

I can only pray my absence will change you

Pretend that you're the one who needs my love

But you celebrate, 'coz yes why should you miss me?

When you know darn well I'd die, just to bring us together

And this is not a love song,

don't even think its your song

sedative pare

2005-03-24T09:42:00.000+08:00

this is what i am. this is who i am. this is what ive become.

for the past years, ive been looking for somebody who would lookmk at me and prove my worth. for years, ive been searching for that someone who would see me as someone they could lean on. now, that person has come. that person has showed me what being loved without reward means. or rather, being loved without asking for its reciprocal. and now that she has come, i wanted something more.

truly, humans are never contented, they tend to dream, make dreams into reality, then dream some more. endless cycle. endless walk of life. always trying to get hold of each and every good thing they could think of. endless yearning.

no wonder, we humans are really psychos.

i am sedative. it is my nature to be sedative. ive been one since days before. it was my destiny to be a sedative. i am your sedative. and by being such, you give me value. priceless.

now, can i be more than that to you?

a line from a song of rolling stone goes: i cant get no satisfaction...

faith

2005-03-21T02:27:00.000+08:00

Walk blindly to the light and reach out for his hand
Don't ask any questions and don't try to understand
Open up your mind and then open up your heart
And you will see that you and me aren't very far apart

'Cause I believe that love is the answer
I believe that love will find the way

Violence is spread worldwide and there are families on the street
And we sell drugs to children now oh why can't we just see
That all we do is eliminate our future with the things we do today
Money is our incentive now so that makes it okay

But I believe that love is the answer
I believe that love will find the way
I believe that love is the answer
I believe that love will find the way

I've been seeing Lisa now for a little over a year
She said she's never been so happy but Lisa lives in fear
That one day daddy's gonna find out she's in love
With a nigger from the streets
Oh how he would lose it then but she's still here with me
'Cause she believes that love will see it through
And one day he'll understand
And he'll see me as a person not just a black man

'Cause I believe that love is the answer
I believe that love will find the way
I believe I believe I believe I believe that love is the answer
I believe that love will find the way
Love will find the way
Love will find the way
Love will find the way
Please love find the way
Please love find the way

"pahapyaw" of a fickle-minded person

2005-03-04T04:29:00.000+08:00

words are all i have.

there are times when you seem so true to yourself. there are times when things just feel so surreal. there are times when things seem to be wrong. there are times when all that i have to do is just break down and cry.

words are all i have.

you don't need ears to hear me. i know you can. i know you are.

words are all i have.

even though shit seems to scatter in almost everywhere, im so fucked up to raise my hands and give up. i aint breakin down. i aint givin' up. i aint goin nowhere but to you. i aint gonna show you how weak i am. i aint givin you a hint of how hurtful things might become. i aint takin' a step backward. i aint goin' away from you. i aint gonna look for somebody just to replace the you in me. JUST DON'T LET ME.

words are all i have.

i did believe. i still believe.

words are all i have.

i am sensitive alright. now, you see my true colors. you wanna give up?

words are all i have.

YOUR words are all i have.

untitled

2005-02-28T13:27:00.000+08:00

love songs. love quotes. love notes. isn't it weird how these simple things could cause confusion to the very complicated matters of the heart?

i've lost interest in fairy tales and mushy quotes. i was an avid fan of happy endings and they-lived-happily-ever-after finishes. maybe for some, living a life of a princess meeting a knight in shining armor would be the grandest thing that would ever happen in their so-called love life. i, too, once wished to become a prince of some princess out there, saving the maiden in distress, and simply being there as THEIR man. but after some years of hoping, after some painful issues that i had to overcome, i lost all of these dreams. and im pretty much convinced. i don't need to be a prince to meet a princess. i don't need to have a castle to invite somebody to dinner. i don't have to be in a shining armor to be noticed by some maiden. i simply just have to be me.

i am no god. thus pain is always inevitable. and because of these pains, i have learned to alleviate the kind of love that i feel, as well as the kind of love that i give. everytime i fall, i feel i am always in no position to get back something from things that i do out of love. i surely have to show love, otherwise i'ld die thinking about "what ifs". but recently, i always convince myself that things would be fine even if i don't feel my love being reciprocated. i would be a hypocrite if i say i don't expect. at times i do. most of the times i do. and the reason is simple. i want a mutual kind of love. i want a kind of relationship wherein one complements the other, the kind of relationship wherein you reach your hand when the other is down, and feel so lightweight even when you are at your lowest point, the kind of relationship wherein you just never fail to blossom because of the avid butterfly that cherishes your existence, the kind of relationship that you'll proudly present in a portrait when you visit Italy, the kind of relationship that will serve as your key of happiness when you knock to the doors of heaven, the kind of relationship that you dearly wish won't end, the kind of relationship that you know won't be a bed of roses yet you still go for it, the kind of relationship that matters, not because of the destination, but because of the things you do during the way, the kind of relationship that you wish has started way before your time, the kind of relationship wherein the word sacrifice is such a very sweet word and pain is just another word for you to keep on going, the kind of relationship that many of us dream but only a few could put it into reality, the kind of relationship that only YOU and ME could wish for.

again, i am no god. i am human, and i tend to expect something in return. but for you, i try to be a god. i try to give this kind of love that doesn't expect things; things that make my heart melt. i don't expect sacrifices. i don't expect effort. i just want happiness. your happiness. and in return, seeing you smile, your most-awaited, long-deserving, true smile, that's the time i would be happy.

it hurts to know that we may not be a part of each other's happiness. this is a road i have to crawl. but still, for you, i will.

apparently lost courage

2005-02-25T08:30:00.000+08:00

i passed by your house early this morning
\thinking that i'ld get the chance to see you
but darkness through your window was all that welcomed me.

i tried to hold still
thinking that i could somehow get hold of my feelings
but my arms and feet cant help but tremble

i decided to stay outside for a while
hoping that i'ld see your face glow through the darkness
but some other things tried to push me away

along with the howling dogs
i groped in the dark
thinking about things that concerns us

of all the people in the world
you are the only true
that's the reason why i wanna stay with you

so much for the mushy stuff
i just want somebody who stays
in you, i found the place where i wanna settle

things may seem complicated for both of us
going with you may be against many odds
yet i refuse to let go, i want to hold you firm

unexpected could be a good term
to describe how things came for us
still, i long for what's in store in the future

now that im faced with an issue
and to think that the issue is you
i dont know where to go

im stuck where i am
i scream silently
i long for you, and i wish you could see

too much: this is how i fell
now that i did, i want to stay loving
believe me, i hope you do

now i keep telling myself
i wont think of the future
coz the more i do, the more i get stuck in the present

words are merely words
it may be not enough to prove its meaning
but it's also the only thing i have

god knows how far we'ld go
god knows what's in store for us in the future
god knows...

amidst work, i stop to think
how we could mend and make things meet
still i keep my doors open

i wish no pain will ever be inflicted
but life won't be good if things weren't bad
and so i struggle just to let this day pass

im missin you, much more than you think
i hate to tell you this but its the truth,
and nothing could be better than this

drool

2005-02-05T01:17:00.000+08:00

this has been going on for two weeks now. and i am totally surprised as to how i got myself totally involved, er, obsessed with her who has a quite unusual status in life. she simply is just "wow". the eyes, the hair, the smile. unimaginable, yet i do.

it sounds absurd. i know it does. but i simply just cant take it off my system. and while this is still tempting hot, let me share her to you.

simply the best smile ive seen so far.

if you want to have her in a "so close" view, take a look at this:

very heart warming! this, my friends, is vicky zhao wei. a co-star from the chinese movie so close, vicky (also known as wei wei) is an artist who has had college in beijing university of films. based on the profile that she has on the net, she stands 5'6 and weighs about102 lbs. i have to admit, i am physically attracted to her. and this post just re-affirms my fondness for chinitas. and just in case she gets to see this blog of mine (which i think is highly improbable), i won't regret placing her pics in my post.

she isn't just beauty. she's got a heart. how did i know? here's what she has as a motto in life.

"Chances Are For Those Who Are Always Ready"

go figure.

new life expectations

2005-01-19T23:15:00.000+08:00

i was talking to a friend sometime last week. and she showed me an email that was, well, quite disturbing and interesting at the same time. it's cool how one liners could really perk up your day, and destroy it as well. here are the lines that made me go "wow".

never expect. never expect people to notice the extra effort that you make. never expect people to discover how genius you are. never expect people to understand the love that you provide.

UNintentional

2005-01-10T01:42:00.000+08:00

funny. the last post i had was way back last year, and after almost a month of happenings, unprecedented results and both forced and unforced shortcomings, i still didnt have the effort to put them into writing (my means of screaming). quite a bunch of entries need to be placed in this blog site since a number of events deserve to be noticed, commented on, promulgated, pondered upon, and simply just cited. let me try to put all of them into writing, the fast-paced way.

* * * * * * * *

holidays are holidays. nothing we can do about it. no matter if we wish for it or not, it just have to come. it just have to happen. no way can we stop it's resurgence.

* * * * * * * *

i had a conversation with a friend. topic was about relating to people. there was a line that i said that lingered into my mind. "i've always believed that i can never please everybody. we can never please everybody." but then on the contrary, why would i take time in trying to converse to almost every people i know and get our relationship in a higher level? isn't this a big negation of my belief? i just couldn't believe that i don't practice what i preach. then after some thought, i realized. i really do can't please everbody. and i admit i try hard to make things meet between me and people i know. what makes my belief true is that when the proper time comes, absolutely, there are only a few people whom i would take that extra mile for.

* * * * * * * *

this isn't the way i planned. this isn't the way i thought it would go. this isn't the way i think it's suppose to be. yet it seems so nice. it feels so nice. and if there's one word that i could use to describe it, surreal would be the closest thing. if ever this is written within the lines of my palm, if ever crossing paths is the next best thing to heaven, then so be it. just let me carry it through.

* * * * * * * *

ever felt pain before? how about disappointment? or worst, disgust? after heavy doses of day dreaming and plenty of those "feel-good" stuff, things just suddenly went blurry. then slowly, things just went out of control, and then you'll get to slowly feel nothing, as if none of these seems to be worth it. yeah, surreal, but really worth it? gasp!

YM

2004-12-15T03:23:00.000+08:00

i don't know if you're reading my blog, or at least pass by it. and im not even sure if you're gonna smile or frown or freak out (or whatever!) with this post. but i just felt the urge. you know why. and i assume you know me better than anybody else...

or maybe not!

here's the song i was relaying to you through YM.

i can't be losing sleep over this, no i can't
and now i cannot stop pacing
give me a few hours and i'll have this all sorted out
if my mind would just stop racing

'cause i cannot stand still
i can't be this unsturdy
this cannot be happening

this is over my head but underneath my feet
'cause by tomorrow morning i'll have this thing beat
and everything will be back to the way that it was
i wish that it was just that easy

'cause im waiting for tonight
then waiting for tomorrow
and im somewhere in between,
what is real and just a dream

would you catch me if i fall out of what i fell in
don't be surprised if i collapse down at your feet again
i don't want to run away from this
i know that i just don't need this

i know it's very freaky. i feel like i wanna freak out. but that's the way it is.

thanks anyway. and refrain from entertaining that crap exisitng in your mind for the last few months. it's doing you no good. really. it just sucks you out of the real world you're suppose to be living freely in. and adding me into your thoughts is such a pain in the ass. no big deal, pare.

afterall, i know you won't catch me if i fall... you just can't.

my life at work

2004-12-04T07:05:00.000+08:00

i go to work five days a week. my weekends aren't necessarily saturday and sunday. i have a one hour "lunch break" even if it's not twelve noon. and i don't get paid for that. i've got two fifteen-minute breaks (yosi breaks). now, THAT i am being paid for. i reside either on the 26th or 27th floor of a building in ortigas. at times, though seldom, i get to stay at the 28th floor. we have tv sets in our pantry and its got cable on it. however, the remote control is currently missing. we have three vending machines filled with soda, coffee and snacks. and my favorite among these vendos would be the nescafe vendo, because they dispense coffee+cream+sugar for free. overflowing, that is.

before i go to work, i pass by a 24-hour convenience store to buy my daily dosage of nicotine. without these, office work would be pretty hard. i get to see my crush(es) at work as soon as i am about to leave the office. and speaking of time, you have to call 30 minutes before your work starts, just in case you would be late. during break, i have to hurry since fifteen minutes is no luxury, especially if the average waiting time for waiting for the elevator would be around 3 minutes. plus another minute for literally going down. multiply it by two for your travel time going up the 26th floor. that would be 8 minutes already. in short, 7 short minutes for finishing a stick of cigar. but i get to compensate that during lunch time. 30 minutes for eating, the rest would be for finishing at least 2 sticks of whatever, could go up to four if work pushes me to do so. while at work, i get to finish at about 4 cups of coffee. not to mention that our office is a "walk-in freezer". heads up, lucifer!

as the shift ends, bonding time with your officemates. over a ground of ashes. that's another two sticks of plant for you.

imagine. 4 cups caffeine + 8 sticks of nicotine + pain in the ass + something else. do the math.

brink

2004-12-03T03:57:00.000+08:00

december 3, 2004. third day of the last month of the year. twenty-two days before the most-awaited holiday of the year. twenty-nine days before the start of a new year. about five hundred plus friends over the planet. close friends amounting to twenty or more. three other people in the household. a pet bird. three pet puppies. one freaking soul.

just read a post of a friend. holidays: to spend or not to spend. now, THAT is the question. it just sucks to go through all of the holiday stuff annually. same old routine. same old plans. same old reasons. same old shit. the religious reason is out of the question. i could praise HIM anytime i want. i could serve a feast for HIM anytime of the day. i could offer him my actions anytime of the week. why do we have to bring it to a higher level at this time of the year when we can do it anytime we want? why do we have to remember people as the year fades when we can do it right from the start? why do we have to show we care as the season gets so cold when we can do it when the heat turns up? reasons. seasons. it rhymes. does it make sense? do i make sense? fudge.

reasons. now, THAT is the answer.

relapse

2004-11-22T06:40:00.000+08:00

i have a friend who shocked me a few days ago. she was eager to tell me a story that it took me a whole 24hours anticipating what "news" she was about to say. then, when we had the time, she suddenly blurted out "kami na". smile went straight into my face, and my mind was going round that i cant ask her immediately who the guy was. i was shocked, amazed, surprised, astonished, you name it. i myself dont know how to describe it. when she told me who it was, only one word came into my mind: FINALLY.

the feeling i had didnt last for more than ten minutes. it died down like a fire from a matchstick on a windy day. the reason for the downfall was quite disturbing: it was a joke. yep, what she said to me was just a joke. everything that entertained my mind a couple of minutes ago was just a joke. and i have to hold the armchair of the bus just to keep myself from freaking out. and now came the mushy part. the reason why she wanted to talk to me was because what she was feeling at the moment was the total opposite of what her joke brought. she said she was having a relapse with regard to the guy she liked a few months ago. its always hard for a girl to ask a boy what he feels for her. and that's just the way things go.

so she used to like this guy for quite some time, and it was quite endless for her to go "drooling" about him. but then, things changed and she just suddenly blurted out the feeling was no more. now that it took them months before seeing each other again, she got to meet him and, conincidence or not, they had things in common: same color of same stuff. and my friend here just went on drooling for him, again. so what could be the reason, huh?

relapse, that was how she called it. i couldnt agree more with her. believe it or, it happens to the best of us: the feeling of wanting back something, or somebody that is no longer yours, or almost seemed to be yours. whatever the case may be, its just a hard, tough nut to crack. and you end up freaking out, banging your head to wall, reaching to the top of your limits, and simply just keep on singing tattooed on my mind. having a relapse is not something that we should be ashamed of. neither is it something that we should be afraid of. as it comes, just embrace it, feel free to get hold of it. even though at times it doesnt look presentable, the pot of gold never ceases to be in your way. just keep on digging.

relapse. n: the act or an instance of backsliding, worsening, or subsiding.

which one is it, my friend?

jeepney

2004-11-14T05:16:00.000+08:00

naaalala ko ang mga gabing...

...nakahiga sa ilalim ng kalawakan

naaalala ko ang mga gabing...

...magkatabi sa ulan

hiroshima

2004-10-30T07:20:00.000+08:00

just like a bomb falling from the sky, it hit me... smoke spread so fast around me. then i got to hear the most deafening silence i've ever heard. it was so silent i had to clasp my hands in my ears. as if this was not enough, i closed my eyes, imagining a drill was put across my head. i was so hurt i had to bend my knees in pain...

as my arms grew, i gave in. help was the only word i need to utter. but without a word, you knew. without a signal, you deciphered. you, and only you...

now as i open my eyes, i face reality. only you.

and its blurry.

a play

2004-10-24T06:05:00.000+08:00

yesterday, i got the chance to meet up (and catch up as well) with my friends at our parish. its not the usual "hello, how are you" reunion. neither was it a sort-of-a grand welcome back. but no doubt twas something meaningful.

i saw a friend reading an article from the web, a good play, written by a local writer, that won an award. twas a story about two friends, a girl and a guy, who was forced to lock up in a room in a beach. twas some kind-of-a trip that their circle of friends decided to play on them. for whatever reason, it was not indicated. but i do believe chemistry was present between them, and that was enough reason. as the two were trying to figure out a way of spending the night, they played a game entitled 20 questions, hence the title of the play. in the game, the players get to alternately ask questions about anything and everything under the sun. of course, it should be honestly answered. as the game progressed, confessions were made and they both got to see what their personalities are made of.

i enjoyed reading, and re-reading, the play. in fact, ive kept a copy in my inbox. and everytime i get to reflect on this, i can't help but wonder how casual yet how deep the conversation was done. true enough, this piece deserves a recognition. as i browsed through the play one more time, a few lines struck me, the lines that i wish i could say, the lines that could somehow portray what i really am. it's not easy staying in love, neither is it easy finding true love. the kind of love that will make you stay. the kind of love that will make you hold on for long. the kind of love that provide you satisfaction, the kind of love that you will end with, instead of a dot, a word called forever.

"men have penetrated my body but never my soul. and i wanted that. i wanted someone to touch my soul."

"i want to be a violin. i want to be stroked in the soul. i want to make sincere music. i want to experience the sound of love."

- Yumi

this, i believe, is the real thing.

will i ever find that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?

launchcast forecast

2004-10-22T08:29:00.000+08:00

i just finished customizing my launch radio station (launch.yahoo.com) and was so much eager trying it that i very much anticipated the first song it's gonna play (so much for the buena mano thing). for some reason, i've began to think the first song would make so much impact to me. i dunno why. and yes, it did. twas a song from norah jones. the title struck me, the lyrics hit me, i bet the whole song could damn read me. so much for the first song, i guess. the following are the lyrics. feel the soul within.

what am i to you?

tell me darling true

to me you are the sea

fast as you can be

and deep the shade of blue

when you're feeling low

to whom else do you go?

see i cry if you hurt

i'd give you my last shirt

because i love you so

.if my sky should fall

would you even call

opened up my heart

i never want to part

i'm giving you the ball

when i look in your eyes

i can feel the butterlies

i love you when you're blue

tell me darling try

what am i to you?

yeah well if my sky should fall

would you even call

opened up my heart

never wanna part

i'm giving you the ball

when i look in your eyes

i can feel the butterflies

could you find a love in me

could you carve me in a tree

don't fill my heart with lies

i will love you you when you're blue

tell me darling true

what am i to you?

really now, what am i to you?

spongecola

2004-10-17T02:15:00.000+08:00

drunk... that is the state i am in.

last friday, i went to school, er, former school to meet up with friends. i was also anticipating the events that are about to happen that day since twas the CBE day. i always have this feeling that everytime a college celebrates this annual occassion, the fiesta atmosphere should be present. aside from that, i was also about to meet a friend at about 2pm. too bad i woke up at around 230pm. and so, gone was the first agenda of the day.

i got to watch the variety show sponsored by the student leaders from CBE. first thing that caught my eyes were the new seats, fully furnished floor of the 5-year plus auditorium. besides that, what fascinated me where the songs rendered by the band that calls themselves spongecola.

having a version of madonna's crazy for you, spongecola has been that and only that in mind: an infamous band trying to get a name by using a pop icon's popular song. i was wrong.

the band played good music, and i mean they have good lyrics to start with. as i was stuck in my chair, i can't help but notice how good they played with words, and how fast these words struck me. a part of what they sang:

i've been wishing for so long

to see you smiling back at me like i'm somebody special

but as i aged and as i changed i left it all behind

'cause now your calls seem kind of mellow

the band's melody was not that crappy. neither was it astounding. i guess what they have is what other popular artists have in common, the words that move people. these are the kind of stuff that, need not to say, show what life is really about: bullshit, moments, happenings, love, and a few other small things that make up the really big ones. oh well, i crave a lot. and it's a really, really bad. favorite line from the song?

will i run to you?

sweet.

of friends and others

2004-10-11T02:57:00.000+08:00

maybe..

there really comes a time in somebody else's life that he begins to feel emptiness. after moments that were shared, after dreams that were made, after the tough times that you were able to get through, nothing beats the day when you suddenly realize that no matter how hard you tried to stick to one another, things just won't go your way.

maybe..

there are people in this world whom you'ld love to be with, but they just can't. there are people in this world whom you don't really care about that much, but comes across your path every now and then and shows you what giving without receiving really means. there are people in this world that you get confused with, not knowing how to categorize your relationship with them, and end up thinking about "what if's" and "what might have been's". there are people in this world whom you just treasure so much, yet they can't do the same for you.

maybe..

there are things in this life that you want, but it's gonna take some time before you could get hold of them. there are things in this life that you really don't want, but your toes just keep on hitting them. there are things in this life that you wish didn't happen, but what choice do you have? it's gonna be buried in your box of past. there are things in this life that you never knew what they're meant for, but they appear in such a way as if they bring along news about your happiness and satisfaction.

maybe..

life has too much options for me to choose, yet only one holds the key to success. life has too much chances for me to miss, but still i can't get to grab the goodies. life has too much diversions to play on me, and i don't seem to learn a bit. life has too much lessons to be taught, how come i don't get my homework done?

a quote from a very good friend said:

all things in life are not meant to last. things change and people do. you can never hold on to something forever. so learn to live and let go... wag lang tayo!

what a way to communicate assurance of not being left behind (again!)

thanks dude..

my own A-Z

2004-10-06T01:20:00.000+08:00

A - Age: > 20 turning twenTEEN-one in a few days

B - beers na gus2 mo: > san mig light and san mig strong ice (WHAPAK!!)

C - Career in the future. > in the future? data analyst plus businessman

D - Dancing as a career: > hmmm. nah!

E - Easiest person to talk to: > dami. jing, kim, ysh, six, ...

F - Favourite song at the moment: > no rain by blind melon

G - Gum balls or gummy bears: > gummy bears

H - Hometown: > iloilo

I - Instruments: > guitar, keyboards, flute

J- Jungle or Sea-side: > seaside

K - Kids: > how many kids i wanna have? 2

L - lefty or righty > righty

M - Meat or Vegetables: > both

N - Number of siblings: > 3

O - O Town or Plus One: > dont know both of them

P - Phobia[s]: > heights, turning cars at very high speeds

Q - Quantity or Quality (for anything): > quality

R - Reason to smile: > somebody might fall in love with it..

S - Song you sang last: > reason for breathing by babyface

T - Time you wake up: > 7:00 pm

U - Unknown fact about me: > id like to keep it unknown, if there is one...

V - Vegetable you hate: > okra (eeeww!)

W - Worst habit: > super sensitive

X - Xavier or Jean Grey > xavier

Y - Yolk or Egg WHite: > depends

Z - Zodiac: > scorpio

breathing

2004-10-04T01:27:00.000+08:00

haha! it never occured to me that my previous posts were all full of damn s**t! haha. various comments from people who saw this page already didn't go un-noticed. oh well, that's the real me, i guess...

i wanna share one of my favorite songs. a single from the band calle lifehouse. it's called breathing. the lyrics are good. the tempo is quite slow for an alternative. but what the heck! i consider this a good song because the message talks about "loving someone from a distance." (jing, haha! here we go again...) it's also about being contented, finding happiness in places where melancholy seems to be a majority, and simply making everything around you heaven even without being actually there at all.

damn! everytime my thoughts come pouring, i can't help but add this "sentimental flow" somewhere between the words. get out! get out! get out! whew... now i wonder. and i quote reyia from the tagboard: "jologs!"

i've found a long way back to sanity again

though i don't really know what i'm gonna do when i get there...

take a breath and hold on tight

and spin around one more time

and gracefully fall back to the arms of grace

'cause i'm hanging on every word you say

and even if you don't wanna speak tonight

that's alright, alright with me

'cause i want nothing more

than to sit outside heaven's door

and listen to you breathing

it's where i wanna be, yeah

where i wanna be...

i'm looking past the shadows in my mind

into the truth and i'm

trying to identify the voices in my head

god, i wish it were you

let me feel one more time what it feels like to feel

and break these callouses off of me one more time

'cause i'm hanging on every word you say

and even if you don't wanna speak tonight

that's alright, alright with me

'cause i want nothing more

than to sit outside your door

and listen to you breathing

it's where i wanna be, yeah

i don't want a thing from you

i bet you're tired of me waiting for the scratch to fall off

of your table to the ground

'cause i just wanna be here now...

'cause i'm hanging on every word you say

and even if you don't wanna speak tonight

that's alright, alright with me

'cause i want nothing more

than to sit outside heaven's door

and listen to you breathing

it's where i wanna be, yeah

where i wanna be...

the one that got away

2004-10-03T03:16:00.000+08:00

i first saw this article at friendster's bulletin board. i printed two copies of this and gave them away to friends. two months after, i felt the urge to reread this article and reflect again. i went back to the bulletin board but to no avail. i guess friendster resets their bulletin board everytime the limit was reached. i used search engines, thinking only of the title and forgetting everything else including the author and the daily where it was published. after hitting enter, i received 1786350 entries. it's a good thing i was, at that time, persistent enough to scan each entries and lo behold! i did find it. the following is the article from mark c. macapagal, a writer from the manila times. read to your heart's content, and see the effects it will bring on you.

http://www.manilatimes.net/national/2003/jun/24/life/20030624lif4.html

i would be a hypocrite if i'ld say that the article didn't hit me. i would usually skip over articles this long. maybe it was by chance that i got to read the whole of it and get the message it wants to imply. yes, i am a sentimental fool. for what reason you may ask. i really don't know. it's maybe because of my undying craving for that one person that would complement the things i do, and keep the wheel of life turning. it's maybe because of my undying craving for that one person whom i would sacrifice a lot but still remain selfless. it's maybe because of my undying craving for that one person whom i could share my life and everything else i have with, grow old with, and feel the real essence of what life is all about. maybe it's because of my undying craving for that one person whom, i'm proud to say, i would call my partner in life, my pinakamamahal.

my side of the story started way back when i was a senior in high school. twas during this time where i, young at that time, was so much engaged into what people would call as a puppy love. sending flowers through a friend, writing notes of endearment during the wee hours of the night, giving gifts even without occassions. the tweetums-giddyup effect of being in love. but that was plainly it. no real foundation whatsoever for love to blossom. no reason to stay in love. nothing else happened.

the next chapter was when i was fresh in college. straight from an all-male high school, being with the girls gave me the shivers. it's not that im confused with my sexuality. nor is it a product of too much human heat. with the way i look at it, i was simply at a lost, not knowing what to do. i was so much into doing the right things for the girls that it made me barely make a move, thinking that one step might turn them away. that was how god-damned eager i was to have girls for a friend. that was how pretentious i was way back then. but still i found one girl. a close friend at that. there were so many things that happened between us along the way. it took years for us to establish what we went through. numerous laughs at cracked jokes. thousands of tantrums and misunderstandings. a couple of gifts that were given. and treasured stories over bottles of beer. i can't deny i fell for her. but mixed signals were given, coz i was scared back then. commitment was such a sacred thing for me that making a mistake on this matter was not yet part of my vocabulary. i was too ideal. you may call me torpe. you may call me a perfectionist. i really don't care. the end result? nothing else happened. but now, we're friends.

three years after, another chapter opened. i met a sweet gal. younger than me by years. we used to sit around, share stories, laugh to our hearts' content, and simply just have the time of our lives. but all of these were short lived. and i haven't deciphered 'til now the reason why. the closest reason i could think of was because at this point in time of my life, i was strong enough to put myself to a stop in sending people mixed messages. i did put everything to a halt. so i said to myself she's no more than a sister. again, nothing else happened. we're friends, and still communicating.

finally, i met someone i used to call the one. before, we used to go home together. we used to argue to our heart's content about stuff, but that's okay. i used to believe these "petty arguments"are the reasons why relationships last. we became, i suppose, that close. we shared enough stories and somehow felt each other's pains. there were so much we used to do together. and what i treasure most was the time of waiting. whether she waited for me or i did, it really doesn't matter. as long as somebody waited for the other. that alone was way, way okay with me. then, promises were made. a vow was created. between us. and only us. twas fun at first, the feeling of loving and being loved in return. i thought that was all we needed. dreams were built. then, suddenly, it became a roller coaster ride. i tried holding on, but in the end, the bond was broken. everything else was shattered on my part. what i used to hold on to suddenly got crumpled. nowhere was the place i belonged to. it's no use pointing fingers because it's over. it took me a while, but i was able to say to myself that it's okay. at least something happened. but, unfortunately, did not go that far.

now, i begin to wonder. who could she be? my "the one who got away?" the one whom my "what if's" would revolve. is she part of my past or i still have the chance to stand up as a man and not let her slip away? as what the article says,

it's never nice to live with a "might have been", but it happens.

the past dealt with a lot of things. there was no fault in the person, no flaw in the chemistry. but the cards just didn't fall the right way. i'm beginning to believe timing played a big part for me. if somebody isn't ready to commit in a mature manner, it really doesn't matter who i'm committing with, it just didn't work.

nonetheless, another chapter will unfold someday. i believe so.

slipping time

2004-09-30T04:58:00.000+08:00

here i go again. my ears are plugged with earphones given by a good friend named six. (man, this gift of yours sure gave way to my now extinct headphones). i grew tired of listening to my week-old cds so the fm tuner was the best next thing to listen to. guess what song was being played... closing time by semisonic (glint! i remember you guys at this point).

closing time. open all the doors and let you out into the world.
closing time. turn all of the lights on over every boy and every girl.
closing time. one last call for alcohol so finish your whiskey or beer.
closing time. you don't have to go home but you can't stay here.

the best line i've heard from the song?
every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.

i know, it's cliche. it's written in the old books. an old trick as others would say. still, it interests me. shallow? nah!

i'm way, way stoned here. in the office. stuck. nothing to do. i wanna go down and have a smoke, melt my lungs, choke myself. the feeling is just normal. we're all gonna die a natural death anyway. but you know what? somebody, despite the hassles i've given her, still stands up and tries to put me to a stop. brave girl. thanks a bunch for the concern, shobe.

as this note comes to a halt, only one word comes into my mind. scream...

SICK!

2004-09-29T04:35:00.000+08:00

the effects of depressants are just enthralling. yet i need more than these. the rush of blood in my veins could go up a mile in half an hour, and nobody knows when my system would go berserk. insanity. derangement. lunacy. madness. unbalance. delirium. hysteria. irrationality. absurdity. senselessness. what more is there to know?

of all the thoughts i have encountered, there is one that got stuck in my mind. "even clowns have tears". yet people fail to see what's behind the mask. what matters to them are just the antics, the jokes. superficial. very vague. when will we learn to look through somebody else's disguise?

"empty" is not appropriate enough to describe me. i have yet to look for a better term to expound the toxic that flows through my veins. there is more than blood that makes up the motor that drives me.

if you can't feel me,
if you can't see through me,
if you can neither hear me nor stay for me,
don't make me fall...

insanity. derangement. lunacy. madness. unbalance. delirium. hysteria. irrationality. absurdity. senselessness... senselessness... senseless...

sense. a five letter word defined as the faculty of perceiving. can you sense me?

...a movie...

2004-09-27T16:59:00.000+08:00

i was viewing a movie through cable when i got the chance to hear one of the freakin' quotes i've ever encountered. it was about what you say to people who almost have it all, the people whom you had sacrificed so much for, people whom you thought were dense, later to find out they were only insensitive, one of the few people whom you showed care and love yet everything else went down the drain. as the character in the movie said,

"If someone shows you love bigtime, be sure not to put some shit on it!"

jitters...

2004-09-25T02:53:00.000+08:00

my first post. should be a memorable one.

world, welcome to my own...